Time for the “oh shit” thread

[triple_duece]

Ok I will be the first to admit, I’ve had more moments than I want to remember.

I also know I ain’t the only one, so fess up and laugh with all of us

This one starts a long time ago. We were headed to the camp. My buddy makes homemade wine and yes I was tossing back the bottles. Got to the camp tore up like a soup sandwich.

Woke up early to bow hunt and wasn’t feeling that good. Had the hot belly and all. We were hunting public land and had a ten minute drive to the spot. Walked across 500 yards of a muddy (gumbo mud) cut corn field and went in the woods about 300 looking for a tree to climb.

Found my tree and put my ole man stand on i, guts was bubbling but thought it would go away. Climbing u, I was gurgling and made it 24’ up and settled it. Sweating like a hog, I tried to settle down and cool off trying to hold off what seemed like a fighting bobcat in my belly. What was I to do? Ten minutes later, the rumbling continued, but now it was too late. Telling myself I can’t believe this is happening as the panic was setting in. So to tell you I came down the tree, squeezing my ass checks together to keep from filling my draws up with hot lava in not an understatement. Barely making it to the ground and having to strip the harness and hunting clothes, while something internal knew it was time and if I didn’t get them off right NOW the outcome would be obvious. Somehow I got them off just in time as the release was happening and there was no stopping it. As soon as I was about to bend over the violent explosion happened spraying the tree I climbed like a pressure washer. Several lessons was learned that day.

Of course I didn’t see anything, but waited for my buddy to finish hunting. He laughed his ass off as we walked back across the field as I told the him the situation I was in.

That evening we went in deeper to a new tree and I killed my first bow kill of my life. A spike at 47 yards. It was a very memorable weekend.

 

[giles]

I made a thread a while back about the mishaps between me and a certain 870... This year might be the year the curse gets broken! The tale of the 870...

 

[triple_duece]

I made a thread a while back about the mishaps between me and a certain 870... This year might be the year the curse gets broken! The tale of the 870...

Bump it so I can enjoy

 

[Sgt Fury]

When I was about 11 or 12 years old, my buddy and I went to Pennsylvania with his older sister to their hunting camp in north central PA (potter county). It was in around April and opening day of trout season. She dropped us off at the creek and said she would pick us up in a few hours. It was cold and snowing on and off. After about an hour or two, I had to shit....came up all of a sudden and I had only minutes. I climbed the bank and being a youngster, decided to take off my pants and underwear so I wouldn’t shit on them...also had to take off my boots in order to take off my pants. After shitting, I now faced the dilemma of finding something to wipe my ass with. Remember I was young and didn’t think to plan that far ahead. I figured I’d use my t-shirt so I had to take off everything else to get to it. There were around a dozen adults fishing the creek with a couple hundred yards both upstream and downstream. No one noticed me there totally nude standing behind a tree in a snow squall....until my “buddy” screamed “Hey, look at that naked kid over there”! Well, of course everyone was looking at me as I was hurrying to put my clothes back on. I’m sure I was the main topic of conversation at everyone’s camp that night. My friend was calling me diaper man for the next couple of months.
Side note: my friend was the same guy who had to shit so bad at that Phillies game at the old veterans stadium that when he pulled down his pants and bent over...BOOM, all over the wall. KARMA!

 

[triple_duece]

A different time in my life, about 15 years ago.... was at my lease in Mississippi, rolling hills and all. Had to be the 3rd day at the camp hunting and drinking and eating at night by the fire w buddies. Ate deer sausage that night, jalapeño and cheddar. Yeah you know the good burner kind lol.

Woke up early, decided to hunt behind the camp in the 16’ tripod. It was 200 yards slightly downhill. Climbed up in it, yeah belly grumbling. Got situated and put my pack on the backrest of my seat. Morning broke and first wave of bubbles started. Held it back as I didn’t want to get down to screw up my hunt. Hindsight now, not the best decision. So sitting there I’m waiting for deer to show and fighting back wave after wave. Usually they go away when seated. Today would be different. Got to the point where something had to happen before the storm hits. I scramble around and throw my bag away from the stand. Put my rifle and sling behind my back and turn for a quick decent down the steps of death. By the time I got turned and first foot on the step, a giant wave of your gonna shit yourself enveloped me. I couldn’t just hurry down as I was squeezing my as cheeks as hard as possible. Problem was, with every step down came a tablespoon of hot pudding. Each step seemed to drop at least that much.

Finally I hit the ground, pull my gun off and lay it down. Next step was remove clothing. My insulated Camo overalls was next. By this time is seems like I have a cereal bowl worth of pudding pushing against me. It’s not funny at this time but with age and looking back, it is now. Get my clothes off finally and finish what is left off the beer and sausage.

So I’m bent over with all this on me and my underwear. No problem, I have learned my lesson and bring a roll of TP in my pack. Shit..... pack is about 10 yards away and all I can do is squat. A quick decision is made and the plan at the time is to rip my draws off. Well that didn’t go as planned. I’m not a thin guy, rather a thick muscular strong man. I attempt to rip the elastic, let me tell you I don’t know anyone that can do it by hand... that shit is stronger than cable. So plan b right? Well this plan is to rip them off the elastic and down the outside of my legs. Mission accomplished. Now my ass is full of mud and elastic waist band around my waist, coveralls tucked down my legs and pulled out in front of me. Time for the gingerly walk to to my bag.... more like a duck waddle with me holding my Camo in front of me. Fumble around and find my roll of tp and use half of it cleaning up. Grabbed my pocket knife out my bag and cut the elastic off.

Took the walk of shame 200 yards uphill to my camper for the shower. That night we shooting the bull around the fire and I tell my buddies about my big adventure that morning. They were dying laughing and I just smiled as it wasn’t that funny at the time.

So I see where no one has shit themselves cause y’all ain’t posting it. Surely I’m not the only one!

 

[Sgt Fury]

I got a story but it’s not about shit. It’s about an angry woodchuck. We were hunting these fields in Steuben county NY just across the potter county Pennsylvania border. The fields were planted with alternating rows of corn and hay. Each row was about 100 yards wide and they went from the dirt road all the way to the top of the hill. We were set up about halfway up the hill looking down a cut row of hay. I shoot this chuck about 550 yards out. The farmer wants you to pick them up because if he bales the hay with a woodchuck carcass in it, the cows will hurt their mouths if they ingest any bones. So, I start walking to go get it and leave my rifle because it is way to heavy with all of the modifications I’ve made to it. A little more than half way there, a mangy looking chuck pops out of a hole about 35 yards away and starts running after me. I start running uphill toward the corn. When I get to the corn, he’s about 15 yards away and coming fast. I run about ten rows into the corn and make a hard right. I ran my ass as fast as I could and sprinted about 150 yards, then ran to the open field. I was too tired to run anymore so I figured if he was still chasing me, it would have to be hand to hand combat. To my relief, he was gone. I was in disbelief and my friends were all shouting at me and laughing their asses off. I recover the dead chuck and took the long way back to my perch. To this day I think that fury bastard had rabies. Never seen a chuck act that way that wasn’t cornered.

 

[OO2]

You will now be known as woodchuck

 

[Sgt Fury]

You will now be known as woodchuck

 

[Clay Showalter]

Mine was 3 weeks ago when I feel and heard my shoulder tear. I knew immediately

 

[Sgt Fury]

Mine was 3 weeks ago when I feel and heard my shoulder tear. I knew immediately

I did something to mine also...June 4th I believe. Heard a sound like peanuts being crushed followed by bad pain in the shoulder. Wakes me up about a dozen times a night if I roll over on in. Seeing a surgeon July 18th to go over the mri results.

 

[5Cent]

Mine are summed up simply....my 9 lives are over. I am fearful for my next oh shit moment and I pray it stays far far away.

I push myself every day to slow down a little bit more than the day prior. I hope the next set of broken bones or cracked helmets come from age 70+ when my walker slips away from me.

 

[Clay Showalter]

I did something to mine also...June 4th I believe. Heard a sound like peanuts being crushed followed by bad pain in the shoulder. Wakes me up about a dozen times a night if I roll over on in. Seeing a surgeon July 18th to go over the mri results.

If you pain is in the rotator cuff hurry and get it fixed, the surgeon told me many people wait too long and they can’t pull the tendon back. Hope it is an easy fix.

 

[giles]

I’ve been close a couple of times, but never story worthy. Carry on you two! funny shit here

 

[Clay Showalter]

Well I had an almost oh shit moment tonight, took my first shower and the pain was DAMN! Just about threw up.

 

[Chass]

About 6 years or so ago I was hunting in Athens, right down the road from where Giles hunts a lot. Got into my stand, think it was in the morning and out of nowhere my face gets super hot, mouth starts watering and I knew I was about to get sick. Fought it for awhile, kept telling myself to just ride it out and not head back in. Well all of a sudden I lost that battle and while still sitting down in the plastic lawn chair up in an old wooden stand leaned forward just in time so as to not puke in my lap but puked all over the platform and down the ladder. I was in no rush to get out of there at that point since I now had to plan how to get down without getting it all over myself, dont recall how that all worked out.
Have had the grumbled many times in my climber. So I've thought about what I would do if worse came to worse. My decision is still, remove the pants and all bottoms and just hang ass and let er rip. If you got a decent harness you can even walk around to the other side of the tree n just squat rofl

 

[hickslawns]

I'm on a private drive. Only a mile or so from my parents. I'm mowing. It hits me. Cold chills. Sweats. Stomach rolling. I drive mower to the truck. Don't even load it. Parked by the road and jumped off. Put the ramps up to drive to my folks to poop. At this point I KNEW I would not make it. I feverishly rip thru the truck to find some napkins. I start walking to the rear of the property. Thank gosh it was wooded. As I'm walking every muscle in my body is knotted up and tense. It was a hundred yards or more to the woods. 50-75 yards there my mind asks why my toes are hurting. At this point I realize not only are my fists clenched, jaw locked, arms pumped, but my toes are curled as I am doing the dookie death duck walk to the woods. So glad I made it to the woods. Not sure if the home owners saw me or not. Didn't care. Just glad I made it without messing myself. That is the closest I've been. When your toes are curled as you walk and start to cramp up. . . You know you have committed 100% of your focus to not crapping yourself. Proud moments in sphincter control!

 

[triple_duece]

Keep them coming. This ain’t just about the BG’s so post away.

I have another poop story, gladly this one ain’t mine. I do have a few more just not as dramatic.

We are hunting the 2 day muzzle loader season in the NWR. It’s me and a good friend Lester. At this stage of hunting in my life it’s go big or go home (kill wise).

We get up real early and drive 40 minutes to the north side of the refuge. Unload my atv and cart. I have a big game cart and it will be needed as you can’t take atv off designated atv trail. We are hunting crp of about 4,000 acres. Our stands are 10’ aluminum millinimum tripods. One gets strapped down to front rack and other to cart that we will be towing. Down the trail we go about 4 miles. Unload and repack cart for the 1/2 mile journey in to our spots. We set up 1/2 hour before shooting times. I can see him in stand as he can me. We are about 1/2 mile apart. Daylight comes and I have 2 big doe walk right past me. Pretty uneventful hunt until Lester text me “Hey I got to get down to shit”. I tell him he didn’t need permission from me lol. 15 minutes pass and he text me back “You ain’t gonna believe what happened”. I’m thinking a big buck walked upon him while dropping mud, but that wasn’t it. He says no, I’m taking a shit and reach in my bag for TP and finished up his business, stands up to pull up his pants. Turns around to inspect things and under his shit is his wallet...lmao. I’m laughing in the stand and ask him what you gonna do now? He replies “I don’t know”. I then tell him it’s your wallet and also your shit, so handle up. I’m not coming to help! I didn’t get the particulars to the events on how he achieved getting his wallet. We didn’t kill anything that morning but for once it wasn’t my shitty emergency. We met up and the jokes were on him. We still laugh about it today.

 

[Big_Holla]

Hilarious stories!!

It was my first year hunting so I would have been 12 years old at the time. We were bowhunting up north (Michigan) on a property my uncle had permission to hunt. My dad and I were hunting way at the back of the property and was a good 35-40 minute walk at a fast pace. We got out there and split up to head to our separate ground blinds (only separated by 70-80 yards). As I got to my blind, still well before daylight, I felt the urge and I had little time. I went over to a log I had used previously and rushed to get my camo coveralls down so I could go. As I struggled to get them down and get my ass on the log the damn log broke and there I was almost on the ground, time to go!! As I finished up I realized I had left my toilet paper in my hunting stool I had left in the blind!! There wasn't a single leaf big enough so a hand full had to do! Got back to the blind and sat down to a crunchy feeling in my ass crack of leaf bits and pieces. A little after daylight that morning I got my first shot at a deer, a spike at 10 yards. Hit a branch on it's way and the arrow hit the ground at it's feet. I can remember standing there telling my uncle the story in the doorway of the camper when he said "what's this" as he grabbed the collar of my coveralls. I had shit on the collar of them and had no freaking idea I did it!! I still laugh to this day the look on his face and the teasing that ensued for years to come. Aaah, the good ole days and good times!!

 

[Sgt Fury]

Hilarious stories!!

It was my first year hunting so I would have been 12 years old at the time. We were bowhunting up north (Michigan) on a property my uncle had permission to hunt. My dad and I were hunting way at the back of the property and was a good 35-40 minute walk at a fast pace. We got out there and split up to head to our separate ground blinds (only separated by 70-80 yards). As I got to my blind, still well before daylight, I felt the urge and I had little time. I went over to a log I had used previously and rushed to get my camo coveralls down so I could go. As I struggled to get them down and get my ass on the log the damn log broke and there I was almost on the ground, time to go!! As I finished up I realized I had left my toilet paper in my hunting stool I had left in the blind!! There wasn't a single leaf big enough so a hand full had to do! Got back to the blind and sat down to a crunchy feeling in my ass crack of leaf bits and pieces. A little after daylight that morning I got my first shot at a deer, a spike at 10 yards. Hit a branch on it's way and the arrow hit the ground at it's feet. I can remember standing there telling my uncle the story in the doorway of the camper when he said "what's this" as he grabbed the collar of my coveralls. I had shit on the collar of them and had no freaking idea I did it!! I still laugh to this day the look on his face and the teasing that ensued for years to come. Aaah, the good ole days and good times!!

A friend of mine did exactly that...he dropped his bib overalls and took a dump. He didn’t realize that he shit on his overalls and pulled them up. When he got back to the truck, another friend saw it all over his back and shoulders.

 

[triple_duece]

A friend of mine did exactly that...he dropped his bib overalls and took a dump. He didn’t realize that he shit on his overalls and pulled them up. When he got back to the truck, another friend saw it all over his back and shoulders. [emoji23][emoji23]

I had the same thing happen. Lesson to be learned is after pulling them Dow, pull hard between your legs in front of you.