He forwarded one of those "friendship" emails with the cutesy picture and a story about a runt puppy and the handicapped boy the farmer gave it to for free and love and harps and angels blah blah blah
That stuff is tiring. I'm trying to work here.
This was my response. I'm sure I'll get a phonecall tonite.
Dear Ray,
You are in serious danger of having your ManCard revoked. I’m starting to wonder if you’re really Italian or just faking it.
Have you been OD’ing on potpourri? Put down the scented candles and walk away….
Forward me one more fluffy piece of crap puppy/kitten/angel email and I will stop what I’m doing and hunt you down like a dog and beat your ass then drag you to a strip bar and pump you full of beer.
Then we will break in to the zoo and beat the crap out of all the baby seals.
You need to eat some raw meat.
You need to shoot some guns.
You need to drown a burlap bag full of kittens.
Reach between your legs and make sure the equipment is still there. Then give it a function check. A picture of Jessica Simpson would be appropriate for that task. A puppy calendar or a Longaberger basket catalog would not be.
You know I love you like the brother I never had. Consider this an intervention. And I hit “reply all” on purpose so that your shame is public.
I will do whatever it takes to help you on your road to recovery.
Love ya like a brother,
Dan
That stuff is tiring. I'm trying to work here.
This was my response. I'm sure I'll get a phonecall tonite.
Dear Ray,
You are in serious danger of having your ManCard revoked. I’m starting to wonder if you’re really Italian or just faking it.
Have you been OD’ing on potpourri? Put down the scented candles and walk away….
Forward me one more fluffy piece of crap puppy/kitten/angel email and I will stop what I’m doing and hunt you down like a dog and beat your ass then drag you to a strip bar and pump you full of beer.
Then we will break in to the zoo and beat the crap out of all the baby seals.
You need to eat some raw meat.
You need to shoot some guns.
You need to drown a burlap bag full of kittens.
Reach between your legs and make sure the equipment is still there. Then give it a function check. A picture of Jessica Simpson would be appropriate for that task. A puppy calendar or a Longaberger basket catalog would not be.
You know I love you like the brother I never had. Consider this an intervention. And I hit “reply all” on purpose so that your shame is public.
I will do whatever it takes to help you on your road to recovery.
Love ya like a brother,
Dan
