What to do with No. 1 and No. 2?!?

[Dannmann801]

Last year I dropped a huge pile in the woods...I mean absolutely huge...and no lie, my first thought was "I should take a picture of that and post it!" but I reconsidered, because of the more genteel culture of the site I was participating on.

If I match it this year, it's going up.....

 

[Johnch]

#1 , I see what kind of distance I can get

A few years back , not 10 min after I hosed down the next tree over
A decent doe walked right over to that tree and stood there and sniffed
Then walked away unalarmed .....till the arrow caught up with her

#2 I try and avoid
I normaly watch what I eat and rarely have to go in the woods

But a few years back while bow hunting in Zaliski State Forest
I must have eaten something that I shouldn't have

Because I barely made it to the ground before ........it happened

I vaigly remember the waves of cramps that lasted for what felt like hours
It seemed like I was spray painting the woods

I used 1/2 of the roll of TP I keep in my pack
I then covered the mess up and grabbed my stand
As I was sure no deer would come within 1/4 mile of that spot for a long time

The next year I went back to that same area
Boy , all the oaks in that area were full of acorns and I swear several trees grew by more than 3" in dia over the year

John

 

[hickslawns]

Okay. Not in the deer hunting environment, but in the woods. . . sort of. I was mowing in one of those high rent districts. I felt the gurgling starting and thought to myself "Self, you can finish this lawn. Mom and Dad's house is a little over a mile away and you can take care of business there." So I continue mowing. A couple passes later, I knew there was absolutely NO waiting. In fact, I wasn't sure I could make it to the truck to find some napkins or Kleenex. Thankfully there was a wooded area with a bit of a slope downhill into a ditch in the back yard. No neighbors to the rear and most of the properties were at least a few acres. I drove the mower to the truck and grabbed some Kleenex's. As I started doing the hunched over walk (like a paunch hit deer) I realized my toes were hurting. At that moment I realized every muscle in my body was clenched (I suppose as a show of support to my sphincter muscles) and I was walking with my fists clenched, and my toes were curled up in my boots. I still don't know how the drawers stayed clean on that one, but at least I didn't have to discard them in the woods. Now if you ever have to hold a poop off so bad that your toes curl up in your work boots, that is the stuff outhouse smells are made of!:smiley_bagonhead:

 

[Curran]

I realized my toes were hurting. At that moment I realized every muscle in my body was clenched (I suppose as a show of support to my sphincter muscles) and I was walking with my fists clenched, and my toes were curled up in my boots.

hickslawns.... I'm laughin' my ass off right now... That's some funny shit right there!!!!

 

[hickslawns]

That's some funny shit right there!!!!

At the time as I recall, it was NOT "funny shit". In fact, it was more like "runny shit".

 

[rrr]

Working construction 70 hours a week in the summer leads you to drop your drawers more often then you'd like on the job site.

Honest, good suggestion - rather than tp, invest in some shop rags. They are nice and soft, thick, and bigger. There's no messing around and for the out of doors, its just better. I'm not sure what a box costs, but they are worth their weight in gold.

 

[RedCloud]

#1 gets taken care of off the stand.
#2 usually isn't an issue but we have all had those unexpected times lol

I use to hunt a property that bordered a golf course that had a porta pot on the 3rd fairway and was right across the road from my stand 5-600 yards. Got up one morning felt fine so I drove the 15min to the woods. Walked a 100yds. to my stand climbed up and was sitting there for about and hour. Then out of the clear blue sky..the gut cramp hit. Here we go..down the sticks I went and out to the field edge heading to the porta pot clinching the entire time. I got to the edge of the course looked across the fairway...NO PORTA POT...DAMN !!! (clinch a little tighter) I head back to the truck where I remembered I had some travel baby wipes (son was about 1.5 at the time so we had them in both vehicles for him if needed) grabbed the wipes and headed into the woods between the course and the road. Found a suitable tree to rest my back on as I dropped draws and like hicks..I have no idea how I made it without a few skid marks because no sooner then I got in position then the river flowed lol. Thankfully nobody was playing golf at the time cause I was just off the 3rd fairway and probably would have killed anybody downwind lol. Needless to say after I was done and used the wipes I headed back to the house where I stayed the next couple days with the stomach flu .

 

[hickslawns]

Your toes hurt Adam? You know that is some serious sphincter pressure when your toes are cramping in moral support of your pooper muscles.

 

[RedCloud]

Your toes hurt Adam? You know that is some serious sphincter pressure when your toes are cramping in moral support of your pooper muscles.

Let's put it this way...I was like a walking tree lol. Arms straight down and only moving my legs to walk/run from the knees down and not bending my ankles as I stepped lol. I was afraid to bend in any direction in fear my clinching wouldn't hold lol.

 

[Archertl]

I just piss of the stand.
#2 I do in a creek or a puddle if I have to.

 

[Curran]

Not hunting related, but another #2 story my Mom likes to tell about me....

As the story goes, I was probably around 4 or 5, and my Mom and I were on the way back home from running some errands. I must have felt the urge coming on strong, and told Mom that I had to go poop. We were driving in the car, and there was really no where to stop and pull over. Being just a few miles from home, she tells me "to squeeze my cheeks as hard as I can." A minute later she looks back in the rear view mirror and sees me with my hands on my face, squeezing my cheeks so hard they were turning red, and my eyes were watering!! I guess I didn't realize what cheeks she was talkin' about, but either way it worked and I didn't crap my pants!!!

 

[Jackalope]

I shit in a wide mouth gator-aid bottle once... It was like the game where you stand on a chair and try to drop a clothes pin in a old milk bottle.

 

[jagermeister]

I shit in a wide mouth gator-aid bottle once... It was like the game where you stand on a chair and try to drop a clothes pin in a old milk bottle.

LOL... I hate to admit it, but been there, done that. Doing that while up in the treestand is actually quite challenging. When it's the chasing phase of the rut, not having to climb down out of the tree is well worth the risk if you can pull it off.

 

[Gern186]

I once had to shit so bad that I could only make it about 50 yards from the stand.... I found a group of saplings that were really thick and close together and got into the middle of them and did my business while trying to remain hidden.

Low and behold I came back a few days later and damn near every tree in that group of saplings was ripped to shreds from a large buck! Never did I see him, but he must have thought some other buck was trying to claim his territory.

 

[Hoytmania]

Not hunting related, but another #2 story my Mom likes to tell about me....

As the story goes, I was probably around 4 or 5, and my Mom and I were on the way back home from running some errands. I must have felt the urge coming on strong, and told Mom that I had to go poop. We were driving in the car, and there was really no where to stop and pull over. Being just a few miles from home, she tells me "to squeeze my cheeks as hard as I can." A minute later she looks back in the rear view mirror and sees me with my hands on my face, squeezing my cheeks so hard they were turning red, and my eyes were watering!! I guess I didn't realize what cheeks she was talkin' about, but either way it worked and I didn't crap my pants!!!

Now that's funny right there I don't care who you are.