While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor,
because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign.
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass.
"Caution: Do not step on exhaust.
What goes "Clippity-Clop, Clippity-Clop, Clippity-Clop,
Bang! Bang! Bang!"?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
What's an Amish woman's favourite sexual fantasy?
Two Mennonite.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
Because the horses would drown.
What would you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?
A mechanic.
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy
when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you
a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband know as soon as I get home."
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that
one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls.
I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your
husband take care of that right away!"
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her
encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"
"He said the reflector is broken."
"I can fix that in two minutes. Anything else?"
"I'm not sure, something about the emergency brake..."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver
walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this
in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady
in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of
lights with numbers on them above the walls light up. They continued
to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls
opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."
Top Amish Spring Break Activities
Drink molasses 'til you heave
Wet bonnet contest
Stuff as many guys as you can into a buggy
Buttermilk keggar
Blow past the Dairy Queen on a really bitchin' Clydesdale
Get a tattoo: "Born to raise barns"
Cruise streets of Belleville shouting insults at people with zippers
Sleep 'til 6 AM
Drive over to Allensville and kick some Mennonite ass
Churn butter naked
Top Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble
Sometimes stays in bed til after 6am.
In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"
His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard
ain't listening."
Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of
cottage cheese."
He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
