That’s sorta how it happened, yet it’s no where near when it all started.It all started back in the last century. In the year of nineteen hundred and seventy eight.
Mom and Dad was intoxicated, listening to Areosmiths new release, Sweet emotion.(I remember just like yesterday) Anyhow I was just sitting there chilling in my house, it was small about the size of a nut, with over 250 million of us crammed inside.
I remember being so sick of all the noise, I mean imagine it. 250 million of us living in a house the size of a nut.There was fat ones,small ones,bitchy ones, retarts, everyone was in everyone’s way.
No one was happy. All I did was work out. At this point the music is blaring out in the real world. I was primed and at my pinnical. Testosterone was high to say the least. I’d done been in 237 fights and just about to be 238.
When all the sudden it felt something like a gun going off, mixed with a Hurricane and a dash of an exploding Volcano.
Next thing I knew I was swimming like Michael Phelps on meth. This was my first calling. I knew where I had to go. I had it all planned out.
I was on my to an egg, I had never meet. How exciting, I was hoping we would get along.Hoping she wouldn’t be a bitch, hoping I was smarter than her
. I just wanted to be me. A male I was going to be the one to decide. Not some stupid egg.
So the swim took me about two days. Finally the Fallopian tube was in sight. That’s when I screamed to everyone we’re all anal babies turn back!Turn back!
In that instant. The 10 in front of me turned around and took off. At that moment I sat still. Prepping myself for the egg..
I took off like a Peterbuilt Eighteen wheeler semi going down the side of the mountain. I hit that egg so hard it shit itself. I passed out. Next thing I know I woke up in the uterus.
The next nine months was pretty uneventful. Minus hearing mom and dad argue. The first two months was bad. But the eighth and ninth month was horrible.
I felt bad for Dad, I was starting to question moms sanity.
Next thing I know I was seeing a bright light and got smacked from some asshole wearing a stupid looking suit for no damn reason. I wanted to piss on him. Yet it hurt so bad all I could do is cry and wonder what I had got myself in to.
So Giles that’s how this all really started. I want to dedicate this deer to Aerosmith, Mom,Dad and me being the strongest swimmer out of 250,million others.
Just imagine all the other possibilities that coulda prevented this day, I’m about to tell you all about.
So this journey started close to 40 years ago, Me and this deer were on a path to meet. Was it destiny, was it fate? Or was it luck? That’s what I’m going to leave everyone here to decide.
You all may come up with different outcomes. That’s okay. Yet there was only truly one.
So fast forward, to the turn of the new millennium.Here I am married,kid,dogs a house. All the things I never dreamed of in my teens and twenty’s. Then it just happened.
So my season, started off great. To an extent. I was seeing mature deer on their feet. Wich was surprisingly different over the last few years here. There were actually mature deer around. Thing was,I wasn’t able to get in the woods until 830 am unless it was a weekend.family obligations
The morning time here is generally the best time if it’s going to happen. I had been busted 3 times walking to my spot in the mornings, the deer was already past my spot. Mind you my spot is only 60 yards off a road. 3 times I got to stare at 13 pointer and watch it show me its pie hole as it ran off.
Tension was starting to build to say the least. The fourth time I saw this deer the 13. He was sixty yards broadside and I watched him walk away.
I knew the rut was winding down and the window for me to score was closing. My place is pretty much a rut or bust type place. Maybe get lucky in gun season.
So the kid had school off, a couple days and wife had work off. It was the start of the stars to align.
It was Wednesday November 14th, I had done did a couple all day hunts with a whole lot of nothing. I woke up at 5am or close to that. Drank my pot of coffee smoked me some cigarettes,as I put my game plan together in my head.
I decided I was going to hunt down the road from my house at my neighbors. It’s a small tract of woods surrounded by a creek a lot of thick shit. With fields in the vicinity.
I figured with the water and the thick and fields close it would be the spot to go.
So I’m sitting there smoking my cigaretteswaitingbon daylight. Wondering how the day was going to go. Just taking everything in totally disregarding everything outside of the woods. Life,kid, wife etc. I was in the here and now. What I love about the woods. The best gift I personally think can be givin to a man in these modern times.
The morning was uneventful for the most part couple line does small bucks, etc .
Around 230 I’m sitting there thinking about Ivanka Trump or Melania Trump, and who would make a better “wife” ( I really don’t know what the hell I was thinking about😆)
Anyhow I’m sitting there looking the total wrong way I should’ve been looking for what was about to happen.I look over as far as my head could turn, and I see maybe an inch of rack possibly two. Then it disappears in a depression in the hill. Instantly I turn (mind you I had just put a cigarette out maybe 20 seconds before) I’m sitting on the ground up against a tree. I got my bow up, aimed for where I think it’s going to come out. After about a minute nothing so I go to lower my bow.(I was wondering if I even seen a wrack etc it happend so fast)Then he pops out no where near where I thought he would. I raise my bow glance his rack I know he’s a defiant shooter for where I’m hunting. He’s at about 17 yards at this point then he gets behind some brick and starts to walk away.
At about 22 yards or so he came in to a small opening. Mind you this takes place all in about five seconds after I actually saw his rack. He’s now quartered away from me walking right off out of my life.
He hit that small opening and it was now or never. Thwack....
He takes off like a bat out of hell. I light up a cigarette. I start replaying everything in my head and so I sit. After about 15 minutes I go to look for my arrow. Nothing I look for about 20 more minutes nothing.
So I start to follow the blood trail a splotch here splotch there. At about 80 yards I find a nice pool of blood. Then a splotch here a splotch there. At this point I knew it was time to back out. So I go back and search madly for my arrow. I’m shooting a Horton vision 175. Generally it just blows right through the deer.Never found the arrow.
So I go home pissed off, playing it over and over and over in my head.My conclusion came to nothing. I was aggravated to say the least. From the blood trail I thought I’m not finding this deer.
So I’m sitting at home drinking a beer licking my ass when it starts to rain. Yeah imagine that. Lucky me,lucky me!
The next morning I’m up and out the door. I went back to the place of last blood. There wasn’t a trace of blood anywhere.At this point I knew I was in for it. I just started circling mind you I’m in some thick shit.At some points I was on my hands and knees crawling, cussing and mother.......I had myself. Long story “short 😝” this goes on for what seems for hours. Finally I look over as sweat and steam are rolling off me and I see a wrack. It was him. In the middle of a briar patch laying by a log.
I get to him and the arrow was still in him almost out of him. It had went through behind the last rib and hit the opposite front shoulder. It never passed through. The shot wasn’t bad for the angle. With out the pass through that’s what caused the bad blood trail. To be absolutely honest. It was pure luck and persistence I even found this deer.
That’s when the work started. The drag was pure hell. Everything about it. By the time I got home. I was exhausted, to say the least. In the evening I hate to say it but I started to realize, I’m not as young as I once was. I was hurting bad. I decided I’m to old to drag a deer so far.
Well atleast until next year!
I want to thank everybody for reading I wish everyone a better season than what I had. A happy Thanksgiving . God bless all TOO members and family’s and friends.
If your out hunting I hope this story brings ya some luck.
Last but not least, if your reading this, you owe yourself a beer and a few shots. Cause you my friends were the strongest swimmer! If your reading this and you don’t think you were the strongest swimmer stick with the Turkey today and don’t vote!