Dear Brock, It’s become commonplace for me to sleep 3-4 hours at night and then wake up to pee. Some nights I’m able to fall right back to sleep, other nights I realize it’s not gonna happen soon so I pick up the phone and go thru the routine of checking email/news/our beloved hunting website TOO. Friday nite/Saturday morning at 3am I came across Dave’s thread saying you were in the hospital, things were not good, and prayers were needed. So I prayed.
I’d like to say that it was an uplifting time, a transformative experience doused in God’s light and heavenly choirs and reassurances that miracles were on the way. It was nothing like that. I was sitting in my driveway, in the camper I bought from Rick R (Xbowguy), listening only to the night’s silence, the hiss of a Mr Buddy heater, and my own thoughts about cancer. (You’re thinking “Why is he sleeping in a camper in the driveway?”. Reason is, the house is in disarray from contractors doing repair/remodeling, all the beds are covered, I’m tired of sleeping in a recliner, and I sleep better in the camper than on any surface in the house.)
So I prayed – I prayed to the Heavenly Father, the Lord, King of the Universe. I thank Him for the many blessings. I thank Him for always taking care of me, always watching over me, always showing mercy and grace to me, even when He was the furthest thing from my thoughts and priority. I thank Him for always providing for me, and for always having a plan for me. Then I ask for His blessing upon you. I ask him to be with you, and to give you whatever it is that you need. I ask Him to send His Holy Spirit to give you understanding. I ask Him to help you remember those who may be in need of your forgiveness, those who you may be holding something against, so that you may forgive their trespasses…because forgiveness brings healing.
Every one of us who has participated in a team sport in America (particularly football, and baseball too) is familiar with the Lord’s Prayer. Many can recite it, but haven’t ever read it in the context it was originally presented. It’s a wonderful prayer, and comforting to say. Jesus, however, did not give it as a prayer to be repeated (He actually said don’t repeat the same babbled prayers over and over). He gave it as an example, a framework of how we should pray when we approach the Father. Acknowledge Him, who He is. Our Father. Ask Him for what you need, accepting His will (give us this day…Your will be done….). Ask forgiveness, and be mindful of the forgiveness that you need to give. Ask for protection from evil (people with ill intention, evil forces, sickness, and the government ). Then again acknowledge His greatness and your trust in Him (the kingdom, the power, the glory)
If it’s repetitious, it’s ok if it’s from the heart. Every time I pray, I always start with “Lord, thank you for the many blessings…” just like Morgan Freeman’s character in the movie “Glory”.
So Saturday I read your post in Dave’s thread and was sad to see you use the term “on the way out.” In the time since I’ve thought about you a lot, and continued to pray for you and for your family. I thought about a picture you recently posted of Mason holding a shed – I remember looking at his face and seeing you, and that made me smile. Man, I’ve always liked Mason, he seems like such a good young man. And what a talented woodsman. What a blessing to see how good of a father you’ve been, how you’ve invested time wisely. That investment will pay off, hopefully thru many generations.
I didn’t respond to the thread, because I just didn’t know what to say. And then I heard that small voice that said “You should post what you prayed.” Immediately doubt and reasoning entered my mind, and worry about how it would be received online. Fear of being judged as a holier-than-thou hypocrite by those who’ve heard me cuss like a sailor and tell jokes to make a biker blush kept me from sitting down and writing this right away. Here I am, 48 hours later, finally being obedient.
My experience with cancer has been different than many other folks. I think I’m kinda weird. When first diagnosed in 2013, my first thought was not fear of dying. I was more afraid of my family’s reaction and them being stressed and fearful. I honestly never once thought I’d die. The cancer was just something that had to be endured, gone through, dealt with. Thankfully the doctor used the right treatment, got it all, and I was pronounced cancer free. Doc said he’d be with me the rest of my life, checking me every six months. 11 years I stayed in remission until last May, which is pretty amazing. And they were 11 GOOD years, saw my kids get married and bring us grandchildren, some prosperous work years, grew closer with my wife, and had some good hunting experiences and friendships too. Retired Jan 2025, had the best year ever planned out, then told in May the cancer was back. “Dammit, why? Why now? Ruining what should be the best hunting year ever?”
The answer hit me quick and hard, right between the eyes like a ball-peen hammer.
There are 10 commandments, the most important one “Put God first”. I’d been failing in that regard. I was consumed with thinking about my plans, my hunting, my wants and desires for retirement. My God and my wife were both an afterthought. I wasn’t a bad guy – I wasn’t involved in an affair, not stealing, not voting Democrat. But my first daily focus was not on my relationship with God. And that’s what I’ve been focusing on since. And it’s not automatic – very easy to slip into taking Him for granted – very easy. I guess being a disciple is about discipline, which is much easier said than done.
I’ve not faced death. I do not know how you feel. My cancer doctor says now I won’t die of cancer, that I’ll die of old age. My shitty eating and sleeping habits will probably be what gets me. I don’t know what I could say that could be of use or comfort to you, hopefully this letter makes you smile. Think of it like a visit in your hospital room, only you don’t have to put up with me in person.
By the way, thanks again for the pellet stove you gave me, it was put to good use.
And thanks for taking my phone call and giving me some coaching when I was having no success and was at a loss on how to hunt when I was at Vinton Furnace – you probably don’t even remember it, but it made a big difference to me.
How to say this without sounding cliché? Let your wife and children know that if there is anything I can do for them, I would do it. I’m sure you have no shortage of local talent for them to call upon, but I would drive to Greenfield to help sling pizza in an emergency.
Damn Brock.... I was talking to Dan last night and he said you have some medical issues.... I haven't been on for awhile as I stepped away from the site.... However been thinking about you since I talked to Dan last night and since your high on my list as one of the top notch members on the site, I had to sign on and give you some words of encouragement... We all know the road has many bumps in it during our life time... So stay strong and take one day at a time... Praying for you and wishing you a speedy recovery... You have my number along with many other members and remember we are just a phone call away...
P.S. Get better quick... Could you imagine Dan throwing pizza dough up in the air ???
Dear Brock, It’s become commonplace for me to sleep 3-4 hours at night and then wake up to pee. Some nights I’m able to fall right back to sleep, other nights I realize it’s not gonna happen soon so I pick up the phone and go thru the routine of checking email/news/our beloved hunting website TOO. Friday nite/Saturday morning at 3am I came across Dave’s thread saying you were in the hospital, things were not good, and prayers were needed. So I prayed.
I’d like to say that it was an uplifting time, a transformative experience doused in God’s light and heavenly choirs and reassurances that miracles were on the way. It was nothing like that. I was sitting in my driveway, in the camper I bought from Rick R (Xbowguy), listening only to the night’s silence, the hiss of a Mr Buddy heater, and my own thoughts about cancer. (You’re thinking “Why is he sleeping in a camper in the driveway?”. Reason is, the house is in disarray from contractors doing repair/remodeling, all the beds are covered, I’m tired of sleeping in a recliner, and I sleep better in the camper than on any surface in the house.)
So I prayed – I prayed to the Heavenly Father, the Lord, King of the Universe. I thank Him for the many blessings. I thank Him for always taking care of me, always watching over me, always showing mercy and grace to me, even when He was the furthest thing from my thoughts and priority. I thank Him for always providing for me, and for always having a plan for me. Then I ask for His blessing upon you. I ask him to be with you, and to give you whatever it is that you need. I ask Him to send His Holy Spirit to give you understanding. I ask Him to help you remember those who may be in need of your forgiveness, those who you may be holding something against, so that you may forgive their trespasses…because forgiveness brings healing.
Every one of us who has participated in a team sport in America (particularly football, and baseball too) is familiar with the Lord’s Prayer. Many can recite it, but haven’t ever read it in the context it was originally presented. It’s a wonderful prayer, and comforting to say. Jesus, however, did not give it as a prayer to be repeated (He actually said don’t repeat the same babbled prayers over and over). He gave it as an example, a framework of how we should pray when we approach the Father. Acknowledge Him, who He is. Our Father. Ask Him for what you need, accepting His will (give us this day…Your will be done….). Ask forgiveness, and be mindful of the forgiveness that you need to give. Ask for protection from evil (people with ill intention, evil forces, sickness, and the government ). Then again acknowledge His greatness and your trust in Him (the kingdom, the power, the glory)
If it’s repetitious, it’s ok if it’s from the heart. Every time I pray, I always start with “Lord, thank you for the many blessings…” just like Morgan Freeman’s character in the movie “Glory”.
So Saturday I read your post in Dave’s thread and was sad to see you use the term “on the way out.” In the time since I’ve thought about you a lot, and continued to pray for you and for your family. I thought about a picture you recently posted of Mason holding a shed – I remember looking at his face and seeing you, and that made me smile. Man, I’ve always liked Mason, he seems like such a good young man. And what a talented woodsman. What a blessing to see how good of a father you’ve been, how you’ve invested time wisely. That investment will pay off, hopefully thru many generations.
I didn’t respond to the thread, because I just didn’t know what to say. And then I heard that small voice that said “You should post what you prayed.” Immediately doubt and reasoning entered my mind, and worry about how it would be received online. Fear of being judged as a holier-than-thou hypocrite by those who’ve heard me cuss like a sailor and tell jokes to make a biker blush kept me from sitting down and writing this right away. Here I am, 48 hours later, finally being obedient.
My experience with cancer has been different than many other folks. I think I’m kinda weird. When first diagnosed in 2013, my first thought was not fear of dying. I was more afraid of my family’s reaction and them being stressed and fearful. I honestly never once thought I’d die. The cancer was just something that had to be endured, gone through, dealt with. Thankfully the doctor used the right treatment, got it all, and I was pronounced cancer free. Doc said he’d be with me the rest of my life, checking me every six months. 11 years I stayed in remission until last May, which is pretty amazing. And they were 11 GOOD years, saw my kids get married and bring us grandchildren, some prosperous work years, grew closer with my wife, and had some good hunting experiences and friendships too. Retired Jan 2025, had the best year ever planned out, then told in May the cancer was back. “Dammit, why? Why now? Ruining what should be the best hunting year ever?”
The answer hit me quick and hard, right between the eyes like a ball-peen hammer.
There are 10 commandments, the most important one “Put God first”. I’d been failing in that regard. I was consumed with thinking about my plans, my hunting, my wants and desires for retirement. My God and my wife were both an afterthought. I wasn’t a bad guy – I wasn’t involved in an affair, not stealing, not voting Democrat. But my first daily focus was not on my relationship with God. And that’s what I’ve been focusing on since. And it’s not automatic – very easy to slip into taking Him for granted – very easy. I guess being a disciple is about discipline, which is much easier said than done.
I’ve not faced death. I do not know how you feel. My cancer doctor says now I won’t die of cancer, that I’ll die of old age. My shitty eating and sleeping habits will probably be what gets me. I don’t know what I could say that could be of use or comfort to you, hopefully this letter makes you smile. Think of it like a visit in your hospital room, only you don’t have to put up with me in person.
By the way, thanks again for the pellet stove you gave me, it was put to good use.
And thanks for taking my phone call and giving me some coaching when I was having no success and was at a loss on how to hunt when I was at Vinton Furnace – you probably don’t even remember it, but it made a big difference to me.
How to say this without sounding cliché? Let your wife and children know that if there is anything I can do for them, I would do it. I’m sure you have no shortage of local talent for them to call upon, but I would drive to Greenfield to help sling pizza in an emergency.
@Dannmann801 Your letter is a near mirror image of my 2.5 year cancer journey as well. I called mine the Spiritual cancer that, like you, had me farther from Him than I should have been. He must be First, with no close second! Thank you for putting into words my heart far better than I could.
To Brock and all of the TOO community, the Lord establishes things as Truth by 2 witnesses. Thus@Dannmann801 is the first witness and I am the second witness! I'm sure there are many others here as well.
I sure appreciate this community more than I can express!
For we who are in Christ Jesus win regardless! Saint Paul said, "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." He also said, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain."
Brock knows this, but we will not give up on him, and we will lift him up, looking for his healing also!
). Then again acknowledge His greatness and your trust in Him (the kingdom, the power, the glory)
