Grampa Jokes

[Mickey Merrie]

How about a thread that provides good corny humor to torture the children/grandchildren with? We can use it as an endless source of good clean humor to share with future generations!

I'll start it with this:

How do you get a Pikachu on the school bus??

You Pokimon!

 

[CJD3]

( Driving past a cemetery…)
Hay kids, know how many dead people are buried there?

All of them.

 

[CJD3]

What’s black and white and read all over.
A newspaper.

 

[Blackcat86]

What’s black and white and read all over.
A newspaper.

Grandkid's reply, "A what?"

 

[Ohiosam]

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents

 

[Blackcat86]

Grandpa Little to one of his dozen or so grandsons after the 10-year-old emptied a .22 trying to shoot a red squirrel out of a 700- or 800-foot tall tree, "Well, Hopalong Cassidy you're not."

 

[Left field]

A guy goes to a restaurant and tells the waitress he wants a lobster tail, she says once upon a time there was a handsome lobster..,

 

[Ohiosam]

Grandpa goes to the doctor.
Doctor says "I have 2 pieces of very bad news, first you have cancer."
Grandpa is stunned by the news, then he askes "What's the second?"
Doctor says "You have Alzheimer's"
Grandpa is silent for a little then says "Well at least I don't have cancer"

 

[Mickey Merrie]

During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots.
He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited...

 

[Mickey Merrie]

During a church service, a grandfather leans over to his wife and whispers, “I just let out a fart. It was silent. What should I do now?”
Grandma answers, “You need to change the batteries in your hearing aid.”

 

[Mickey Merrie]

I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.
Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.

 

[Mickey Merrie]

Grandpa Mike died this weekend. He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days.
He will be mist.

 

[Ohiosam]

My grandfather was a baker in the army.
He went in all buns glazing.

 

[CJD3]

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam

 

[CJD3]

I don’t trust Most trees… they’re shady.

 

[Mickey Merrie]

Hey Grandpa! Where is Grandma? She went to the County Hysterical Society gathering, why? Well, don't you mean the County Historical Society Grandpa?
No I mean she went to her Ladies Guild and Gossip Luncheon...

 

["J"]

 

[Mickey Merrie]

When a policeman arrests a mime does he tell him he has the right to remain silent?

 

[Mickey Merrie]

I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

 

[Mickey Merrie]

One Minute of Dad Jokes on Dock Tok #dadjokes #docktok

#dadjokes #docktok

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