Men's Thoughts
-- I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 10:30.
-- The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
-- I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
-- My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
-- I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.
-- Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
-- The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake!”
--My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!”. “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”
-- I’ve just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sex.
-- Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK.
-- I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 10:30.
-- The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
-- I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
-- My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
-- I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.
-- Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
-- The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake!”
--My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!”. “Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”
-- I’ve just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sex.
-- Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK.
