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Steps to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1. Place a realty sign in your front yard that says, "House For Sale by Owner - Because My Neighbor's an Asshole."

2. In the memo line of your checks write: "For Sexual Favors."

3. Whenever you go out to eat, order a Diet Water and have a serious face.

4. Specify that your Drive-Thru order is, To Go.

5. Sing along at the Opera.

6. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you can't attend their party, because you have a headache.

7. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot...while yelling, "Run for your lives! They're all loose!"

8. Tell your children, during dinner, that due to the economy you're going to have to let one of them go.

9. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy and ask directions to the fitting room.

10. The next time you read the fortune, from a fortune cookie, ad the words, "In Bed" to the end of it.