Welcome to TheOhioOutdoors
Wanting to join the rest of our members? Login or sign up today!
Login / Join

What happens in heaven, stays in heaven!


Senior Member
Allen County
All arrivals in heaven go through an examination process to determine wheather their admission will be granted. One room has a clerk that inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one... "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She said she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and the shower was completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and began looking for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor appartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail, by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began smashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive, I found super-human strength and dragged our antique cedar chest onto the balcony and threw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I had a massive heart attack and I died."

The clerk thanked him and passed him on to the next room.

The second applicant said that his last day was definately his worst. "I was on the roof of an appartment building working on an AC unit, when I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab the balcony rail of a 9th floor appartment, but some idiot came rushing out and started smashing my fingers with a flower pot. I fell, but some awnings and bushes broke my fall and I survived. Then I look up and see a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way, but the chest hit me and I was killed."

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle, but passed the man on to the next room.

The clerk is still giggling when the third applicant of the day enters the room. He appologies for giggling and says, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the guy that was just here, before you."

"I don't know," the man replies, "but picture this... I'm buck naked, hiding inside this cedar chest...." :smiley_blink: