Big_Holla
Senior Member
Man I hate hearing this. He will definitely be getting some extra prayers for sure now, you guys as well Phil.
Prayers please for my dad
- Thread starter hickslawns
- Start date
Damn don't know how I missed this. Fucking cancer has me so pissed off right now. Losing friends and even my dog to it. Prayers to you and your family and friends.
oakswamper
Member
Sorry to hear this GoetsTalon. Definitely sucks.
Thank you all for the continued kind words of support and prayers. Truly. Many thanks.
Last couple days have been rough. Rough for me. Dad is getting frustrated. He is so worn out. The therapy to re-learn how to use his left side has been exhausting. He cannot walk. They tried yesterday while my mom and wife were in there. Erin said she struggled to watch it. Mom and Erin are the only ones who have witnessed this. They also began to speak about moving him to a nursing home. Mom told me to hold off on adding on a full bathroom downstairs. She said it might be a long time before dad is back home. This was according to the rehab workers.
While the above paragraph in itself sucks and is scary as heck, my fears are in the chemo/radiation they are beginning next week. I know this will wear him out all the more and make his rehab slower. His recovery will be slower now. Not a dang thing I can do to change it, nor would I want to. It won't matter if he can walk or not if the cancer isn't stopped. Just sucks seeing him in this state. His facial tone isn't there. His arms and legs were always pretty strong. (He isn't built like me. He had bigger arms and legs than me. lol) Seeing the atrophy beginning at the two week mark is hard to see. This weakness and fatigue is changing his demeanor at times too. He has been short and grumpy with my mother. Erin witnessed this yesterday the two times she was at the hospital. I witnessed it the first stop at the hospital today. I said something to him this evening when I was there. I prefaced with "Is it okay if we do a role reversal here Dad?" He said to go ahead. So I told him he needed to be more patient with mom. Don't get snappy at her. She has been there day and night by his side. He took it well. I didn't use any scolding tone or anything. I just shared what I witnessed. He apologized to her. He thanked her for all she was doing. He told her how much he loved her. I found out later Mom said something to him earlier in the day (which is out of character for her.) He is a great man. He has never spoken to her in a short voice or grumpy attitude in my 42yrs of witnessing their marriage. I know this isn't "dad" talking. It is fear, fatigue, frustration, and possibly some side effects from them rooting around in his head twice. Hated saying anything about it but it needed to be said. I'll tell you what people, this is a horrible thing to witness. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
More things we have been coming to realize. Besides not coming home soon, inevitable time spent in a nursing home soon, and slower than desired return of motor functions. . . It is looking less likely that he will regain his vision in the left eye. He will likely never drive again. Probably a handful of many other things we haven't even considered yet. Continued prayers of healing, beating the cancer, and regained physical strength and use of left side is where we are right now. Thank you all for the prayers you have offered!
Thank you all for the continued kind words of support and prayers. Truly. Many thanks.
Last couple days have been rough. Rough for me. Dad is getting frustrated. He is so worn out. The therapy to re-learn how to use his left side has been exhausting. He cannot walk. They tried yesterday while my mom and wife were in there. Erin said she struggled to watch it. Mom and Erin are the only ones who have witnessed this. They also began to speak about moving him to a nursing home. Mom told me to hold off on adding on a full bathroom downstairs. She said it might be a long time before dad is back home. This was according to the rehab workers.
While the above paragraph in itself sucks and is scary as heck, my fears are in the chemo/radiation they are beginning next week. I know this will wear him out all the more and make his rehab slower. His recovery will be slower now. Not a dang thing I can do to change it, nor would I want to. It won't matter if he can walk or not if the cancer isn't stopped. Just sucks seeing him in this state. His facial tone isn't there. His arms and legs were always pretty strong. (He isn't built like me. He had bigger arms and legs than me. lol) Seeing the atrophy beginning at the two week mark is hard to see. This weakness and fatigue is changing his demeanor at times too. He has been short and grumpy with my mother. Erin witnessed this yesterday the two times she was at the hospital. I witnessed it the first stop at the hospital today. I said something to him this evening when I was there. I prefaced with "Is it okay if we do a role reversal here Dad?" He said to go ahead. So I told him he needed to be more patient with mom. Don't get snappy at her. She has been there day and night by his side. He took it well. I didn't use any scolding tone or anything. I just shared what I witnessed. He apologized to her. He thanked her for all she was doing. He told her how much he loved her. I found out later Mom said something to him earlier in the day (which is out of character for her.) He is a great man. He has never spoken to her in a short voice or grumpy attitude in my 42yrs of witnessing their marriage. I know this isn't "dad" talking. It is fear, fatigue, frustration, and possibly some side effects from them rooting around in his head twice. Hated saying anything about it but it needed to be said. I'll tell you what people, this is a horrible thing to witness. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
More things we have been coming to realize. Besides not coming home soon, inevitable time spent in a nursing home soon, and slower than desired return of motor functions. . . It is looking less likely that he will regain his vision in the left eye. He will likely never drive again. Probably a handful of many other things we haven't even considered yet. Continued prayers of healing, beating the cancer, and regained physical strength and use of left side is where we are right now. Thank you all for the prayers you have offered!
Still in our thoughts, Phil. Hang in there and give your family support. Don't hesitate to call if you need to talk.
OO2
Well-Known Member
Very sorry to hear this hickslawns. You and your family are in my thoughts. The cancer does take a toll and it is very difficult to watch the transformations it causes on loved ones. I wish you and yours well in these difficult times.
I feel your pain Phil. There is little I can say that will ease your path except to be strong.
Do your best to keep your patience. His frustration is that his mind probably knows what it wants to do, say and move. He just has to relearn and let his brain rewire the commands.
All you can do is be there and be the good son your parents raised you to be.
You continue to be in my thoughts.
Do your best to keep your patience. His frustration is that his mind probably knows what it wants to do, say and move. He just has to relearn and let his brain rewire the commands.
All you can do is be there and be the good son your parents raised you to be.
You continue to be in my thoughts.
Big_Holla
Senior Member
bigten05
*Supporting Member*
Thinking of you often Phil. Praying for the best for your father and strength for you all. Hang tough brother.
Again, my most sincere thank you goes out to you all.
And how quickly things change. Today they said it might be 2 or 3 weeks before they start the treatments. Something about allowing swelling to go down more and healing to continue in his brain/skull. They did have to cut a chunk of skull to access the brain. Makes sense to me. Bit of a relief as well. They told us the first month of rehabilitation was the most critical. This is when the majority of his functioning will come back. Then again, if he needs the treatment to kill off remaining cancer cells? Maybe they should start sooner? I don't know. I'll trust the doctors on this one and not overthink it. They know a lot more about this than I do. Also sounds like mom and dad have it narrowed down to 2 nursing homes with good rehab programs. They are both pretty close for my mother, my wife and I.
Another positive. My brother in law hadn't seen dad for 8 days. He was in town with my sister today and a couple of their kids. He told me the improvements were very impressive to him. Dad had made considerable improvements since the last time Dan had seen him. That made me feel better. Tougher to judge if you see him every day or every 2-3 days versus once a week or so. Don't get me wrong. He can't walk or see. He still has a way to go. BUT. . . his left hand movement was night and day in Dan's eyes. He is focusing better as well. A week ago when you spoke to him on his left side he might have looked right or turned his head to the left but eyes to the right. He is directing his eyes AND head toward the person speaking much better now. Chalking up every small victory one at a time.
And how quickly things change. Today they said it might be 2 or 3 weeks before they start the treatments. Something about allowing swelling to go down more and healing to continue in his brain/skull. They did have to cut a chunk of skull to access the brain. Makes sense to me. Bit of a relief as well. They told us the first month of rehabilitation was the most critical. This is when the majority of his functioning will come back. Then again, if he needs the treatment to kill off remaining cancer cells? Maybe they should start sooner? I don't know. I'll trust the doctors on this one and not overthink it. They know a lot more about this than I do. Also sounds like mom and dad have it narrowed down to 2 nursing homes with good rehab programs. They are both pretty close for my mother, my wife and I.
Another positive. My brother in law hadn't seen dad for 8 days. He was in town with my sister today and a couple of their kids. He told me the improvements were very impressive to him. Dad had made considerable improvements since the last time Dan had seen him. That made me feel better. Tougher to judge if you see him every day or every 2-3 days versus once a week or so. Don't get me wrong. He can't walk or see. He still has a way to go. BUT. . . his left hand movement was night and day in Dan's eyes. He is focusing better as well. A week ago when you spoke to him on his left side he might have looked right or turned his head to the left but eyes to the right. He is directing his eyes AND head toward the person speaking much better now. Chalking up every small victory one at a time.
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Small steps for a long walk, Phil. Glad to hear of his improvement, even if it isn't as quick as we would like. Continued thoughts and prayers for you all.
Below is what I shared on FB. I know you aren't all on FB so thought I'd share here as well. Many of you have text or Pm'd me to see how things are going and I really appreciate it. If you don't want to read the below portion the quick summary is this: Dad goes to cancer center tomorrow to be fitted for a mask for radiation treatments. Friday he will likely be moved to a nursing home which is very close to my house and my parent's house. He is making steady progress but they are baby steps at a time. Speaking of steps, he hasn't walked yet. The other thing is the exhaustion. Speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy wear him out. He sleeps for several hours after therapy every day. He still snores like a champ though! lol
Graci was fortunate to spend some time with Mawmaw and Pawpaw today at the hospital. I think it was probably good for all three of them. Tonight she talked to us and digested some of what she had witnessed. She is smart and wise beyond her years but struggles at times because. . . .Well she is only 15. I compared it to her in a way that may help others make sense of it so thought I'd share.
Imagine God took Dad's brain and shook it like a snow globe. It is like a blizzard. As the swelling goes down, the healing takes place, and the rehabilitation happens, we hope/expect his "blizzard" to become more clear. Everything is still in his brain. He even made some geometry jokes with her today. Even though he struggles to recognize numbers he sees right now, the information is still in his brain. We just need to let the snow globe stop spinning, the fuzziness to settle, and allow Dad to relearn some things. It will come back. We simply need to let it happen a day at a time.
On another positive note, although he cannot walk yet, he stood for 10 minutes today. Graci said he was standing up pretty straight too! As saddening as it is to witness, I cannot imagine the frustration for Dad. He was doing Soduku puzzles for fun a few months ago. He has always enjoyed math challenges, building and home improvement challenges, or trying to climb a nasty hill on his dirt bike for a challenge. I have confidence he will continue to accept this challenge of recovery until he is back in fighting form. Pray hard! Be thankful for everyday. And don't put off your parents if they want to enjoy your company. Tomorrow may offer you a new challenge. Be ready to accept that challenge.
Graci was fortunate to spend some time with Mawmaw and Pawpaw today at the hospital. I think it was probably good for all three of them. Tonight she talked to us and digested some of what she had witnessed. She is smart and wise beyond her years but struggles at times because. . . .Well she is only 15. I compared it to her in a way that may help others make sense of it so thought I'd share.
Imagine God took Dad's brain and shook it like a snow globe. It is like a blizzard. As the swelling goes down, the healing takes place, and the rehabilitation happens, we hope/expect his "blizzard" to become more clear. Everything is still in his brain. He even made some geometry jokes with her today. Even though he struggles to recognize numbers he sees right now, the information is still in his brain. We just need to let the snow globe stop spinning, the fuzziness to settle, and allow Dad to relearn some things. It will come back. We simply need to let it happen a day at a time.
On another positive note, although he cannot walk yet, he stood for 10 minutes today. Graci said he was standing up pretty straight too! As saddening as it is to witness, I cannot imagine the frustration for Dad. He was doing Soduku puzzles for fun a few months ago. He has always enjoyed math challenges, building and home improvement challenges, or trying to climb a nasty hill on his dirt bike for a challenge. I have confidence he will continue to accept this challenge of recovery until he is back in fighting form. Pray hard! Be thankful for everyday. And don't put off your parents if they want to enjoy your company. Tomorrow may offer you a new challenge. Be ready to accept that challenge.