Public service announcement
If you are new to Tennessee, we are about to experience “Tennessee Winter.” This is 6 or 7 days of cold, maybe some ice and snow. Local Meteorologists will threaten snow. It may snow, it may not, and if The Weather Channel says 2 inches it could be 10” or it could be 1/2”. It doesn’t matter how much snow it is; we’ll all freak out because we don’t see snow often.
The threat of snow (or ice) from our good ol’ local weather guys is your prompt to head to the grocery store to buy milk, eggs and bread. It doesn’t matter if you need these items. It’s just what we do. Everyone in town will be there. Social event.
You’ll also need to make a mad dash for faucet covers, and finding them and getting out of the store will be like an episode of the hunger games.
Don’t look for a sled. You won’t find one. In the rare chance we get enough ice or snow to sled, grab some cardboard or a trash can lid and go find the nearest hill. Yes, we know it’s not a hill. You live in the flatland, just go with it. You’ll be alarmed by the fact that you’re “sledding” towards a bar ditch, fence or maybe into a farm to market road.
Just go with it.
You’ll be fine.
We don’t have equipment to handle the winter and weather. The roads will be a mess, and even though the state has been telling you for a week they’re ready, they’re not and it won’t work. Just stay home if you can, and if you can’t, just come to terms with the fact that nobody here knows how to drive on snow and ice.
Whatever you do, DO NOT talk about snow tires.
If you happen to slide off the road or get stuck, turn your flashers on, take a deep breath and wait. Two guys in a four wheel drive truck or a local farmer will be along in no time to offer assistance. Don’t try to help them, they live for this stuff and will do what they can to get you back on the road. If either one of them screams “hey y’all watch this” just get back, get your phone out, and start recording. You’ll probably have a viral video.
No matter what you do, don’t talk about how they did it when you get back home in any of these scenarios.
Nobody cares.
When we act like we’re going to die and start to complain about the 7 days of winter, just hush up. We’re serious, and we don’t care how much you love it.
You’ll be back in flip flops within a week to ten days, and it’ll be nice until right around Easter.
Tennessee’s “second winter” will be 2 or 3 days and will hit right around Easter, usually the week before or the week after. This will hit right around the time you plant flowers and a garden. Blackberry Winter.
We know you’re not from around here when we see you’ve planted flowers before Easter and before the “second winter” has hit.
This is why all the people at the nursery don’t sound like us when you’re shopping for plants.
We know better.
During second winter, it’ll go from 70* to 25*, and you’ll experience all four seasons in one day.
This too shall pass. Get used to it, and when second winter is over, you can enjoy the 3-4 weeks of “spring” before summer gets here and it’ll be “melt your face off hot” until sometime around Halloween.
Just saw this on Facebook.