"All right, which one of you guys house did I leave my pink rainbow underwear?
"Girlfriend #2 came over and just missed girlfriend #1 as she was leaving out the back, hope girlfriend #3 doesn't get pissed when I tell her I think we need to chill our relationship."
"I rearranged our bedroom furniture the fun way!"
"I send sick pictures to everyones phones, usually fat chicks or gay stuff! Occasionally I tease them with hordes of nice T&A shots!"
"Hired a cougar the other day, I hope her coworkers don't hit on her! She's a purty good worker!"
"I hope having this baby slows me down some!"
"I fuggin LOVE bacon! I mean I LOVE it!"
"I need to kill a nice buck! My wife is showing me up!
"If y'all get down this way, hit me up and I'll take you out on the flats and we'll slay some Reds!"
"My wife wouldnt like me smoking up because of the smell"!
"I'm the Pizza Man"!
"Shane keeps killing my target deer!"
"I'm a Pirate fan"!