Got to read the story finally... I needed something to calm me after sitting and watching the election coverage for the last hour, thinking about the demise our country is headed towards with a looming 2nd term and Democratic Senate... It worked, I feel immensely better.
The read was long, but I read all of it. I know the feeling exactly. I have been on a quest much the same as yours since probably 2001 as well. I was able to at least achieve my goal that year, harvesting a 4.5 year old deer, something that should have been big. 190lb field dressed NJ buck with all of 90 inches of antler. You continue to hunt hard and things never seem to go right. FFW to 2007, we are seeing big deer all week, our first ever time in Ohio. I had just struck out immensely a week prior in Illinois. My buddy had just shot a 130 and had a 150 walk by him while he was letting his buck sit. I misjudge a deer in the excitement and kill a 1.5yo from the ground. Amazing kill, but when you settle in on the antlers after the shot and go oh shit, what did I just do, the kill is immediately regretted, even more so when he tips over. Now 2008 in Ohio, I miss a chip shot at what would have been my first 100 inch deer. 2009, I miss a solid 130 in ND at 30 yards. 2010, I pass on what would have been my first 100 inch deer, knowing it's early. I end up doing what I know I shouldn't have 2 weeks later and try to draw on a nice 115 or so too close to my stand and he boogers. 2011 finally pays off in my first 100 inch kill but below my standards of "not another one I'm not going to mount". 2012 I'm finally somewhat relieved of the unneeded stress of shooting a good racked buck by killing my 120 on state land. Using what I learned in past failures to harvest my buck. It seems to be a losing situation as you mature as a hunter. You have achieved all the steps from being a rookie, you expect a different level of success. But it ruins the hunt for me if I don't at least lay eyes on a shooter. Of course you're sick and waiting for the days to pass until you can get at it again next year. When more of the same passes, it gets to be almost too much. I debated hanging it up as well, as I just had no desire to repeat my growing steps of becoming a well educated, successful bowhunter.
I'm extremely glad you accomplished what you set out to do and can now focus on what's ultimately more important, your family, without the unneeded stress of something so ultimately unimportant as putting your tag on a mature whitetail. Congrats again to you my brother.