Thats some scary stuff Joe, glad you came out of it OK, does this change your perspective on life at all after seeing how quickly it can be taken away from you?
Absolutely. There are so many facets and emotions it's hard to know where to begin. The day it happened everyone was a wreck. When I was released from the ER a few hours later I walked out to the waiting room where everyone was. I was dealing with my own emotions after coming face to face with death; it's a horrendous feeling to know you're going to die very soon and their isn't much you can do about it. But to see the looks and bloodshot eyes around the room was unbearable. Many people go through life understanding people love them, they understand people care about them. But it's not until they die that the true extent of that love is clearly displayed through grief. That person never sees that love because their dead. I got to see it. This weekend I saw grief and sorrow, but I also got to see purely, without barrier, just how much people actually love me. It's one thing to know people love you. It's something else to experience just how much they love you. I've helped people near death after an auto accident, I've given CPR to an accident victim, I've made the decision on who to provide care to as the other person was too far gone. I've held a child as she died (later revived by EMS). I've been through a lot in life, but this humbled me to my core.
It's a horrible feeling to think about all the pain that it's going to leave behind. When realizing you aren't going to make it you think about your spouse, your parents, everyone that is a part of your life. It's one thing to think about the pain it's going to cause, after you survive it's another thing to witness just how bad that grief would have been. I have emotions I need to deal with. But I also worry about others as I know they have a lot to deal with themselves. When the man who saved your life hugs you and he breaks down sobbing to the point he's weak in the knees it's a big emotion to see and feel.
Anyone that knows me well knows I've always had a big heart, but they also know I'm mean as a rattlesnake if wronged. I will do anything to protect my family and friends and I'm heartless as a sociopath to anyone that threatens that. I carry myself in the same manner. I'm a business man that can entertain and rub elbows with corporate board members. But I'm also a hick from Mississippi that keeps a mental list of abandoned wells I've found in the woods. I've always been a friend you want to have and someone you never want to wrong. But this has humbled me to the core. Family has always been number 1 in my life. But I've always been a self sufficient man. If I want something I get it done. If I need something I figure out how to earn it. You tell me it can't be done, and I'll tell you to hide and see. I will put myself out to help family and friends but rarely take any offer of help for myself. I will lend anyone anything but will never ask to borrow something, and if offered I'll rarely accept it. Amongst many other lessons this has taught me that everyone needs someone. You're not 6 foot tall and bullet proof. You can't get yourself out of everything you get yourself in to. But most importantly. The difference between life and death is likely something so small it seems insignificant. Something as small as a paddle whose only purpose for being there was because it had a decoy hook on the blade. I've always been safety conscious. I've always made sure others were safe and would rather do something myself If I thought it the least bit unsafe for them. It's the little shit that will bite you in the ass, it's the little shit that will save your ass.