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So how did you divorces- long relationships deal?

epe

Senior Member
6,114
93
Lancaster
Well as of now, it looks like my relationship of over 10 years ended saturday night. She was coming back from work saturday evening and laid a big verbal beatdown , handed me back my ring, and left for her sisters... We have had fights before where she took off before, but I think this is the one. Over the years, I have let my friendbase dwindle down, mostly because of her. The few friends I do have right are married with kids, or with others, with kids. And to make matters worse, I almost 100% sure I tore my acl in my right knee playing ball thursday night. So after work I am pretty much couch ridden. I know I am sounding like a woman right now, but oh well. How have those that have dealt with it, dealt with it and moved on? Thanks for letting me vent.
 

Jackalope

Dignitary Member
Staff member
36,306
235
Well shit. That sucks man. Looks like she's rolled out on you... Do you suspect another dude?
 

epe

Senior Member
6,114
93
Lancaster
No other dude. I have always wondered if I would be happier without her, as we do argue and have our differences. I am wondering now if I want her back, or just don't want to be alone. Been a BAD month. My job that I have been at for years is not doing good. We all had to take a pay cut, and worse could be ahead. And my Damn mower broke Saturday. I am usually a upbeat guy, but all this Shit is testing me.

sent from my HTC evo
 
Bro i feel your pain. I take verbal beat downs on a daily basis and doing everything possible to keep my marriage afloat. Sometimes we cant control our future and things happen for a reason it looks like you have reached that point now its time for you to decide where you want your future to go
 

hickslawns

Dignitary Member
Supporting Member
37,500
212
NW Ohio
i am sorry to hear it epe. I don't know what advice to offer you, but you are welcome to vent here. When describing TOO to friends, I describe it as "Cheers". Everybody know your name. You are amongst friends and sometimes just venting and having friends to listen and encourage you when life gives you lemons is all you have. That said, I will tell you to keep your head up, and I wish you the best in your decisions.
 

epe

Senior Member
6,114
93
Lancaster
Everyone knows my initials. :) the name is Eric. I guess what it boils down to is about the last 9 months she has been on unemployment, and had gotten down about it. I had tried to help get her out of it, but it wore on me too. I have done the dishes, laundry, and taken care of diner.. ( mostly frozen stuff, I ain't no chef.) I understood it was getting her down, but me taking care of all the bills and everything got me to where I was not like I used to be. Was hard to tell her how great she was, when I was doing most stuff. Well Saturday evening she comes home from driving back from Cleveland, and said I should have never let her get this way, and I should have talked her up, told her how great she was, and got her out of her depression... So was I wrong for taking care of 80% of things, but not "building her up above and beyond" normal relationship stuff? Oh and by the way, she has a 13 year old that I have been around since he was three. Split custody. He get there and ask me what was for dinner. About a week ago I asked him why he always asked me and he said, "because your the one who always takes care of food and everything". Guess not enough. If I am in the wrong guys let me know..

sent from my HTC evo
 

Buckmaster

Senior Member
13,915
157
Portage
There are many bumps in the road. You just have to handle them gracefully and endure. Remember, it's a marriage brought together by two people. You're stronger with two; than one.
 

epe

Senior Member
6,114
93
Lancaster
Can't really go fishing until the swelling goes down in my knee and I get a better brace..

sent from my HTC evo
 

Jackalope

Dignitary Member
Staff member
36,306
235
Everyone knows my initials. :) the name is Eric. I guess what it boils down to is about the last 9 months she has been on unemployment, and had gotten down about it. I had tried to help get her out of it, but it wore on me too. I have done the dishes, laundry, and taken care of diner.. ( mostly frozen stuff, I ain't no chef.) I understood it was getting her down, but me taking care of all the bills and everything got me to where I was not like I used to be. Was hard to tell her how great she was, when I was doing most stuff. Well Saturday evening she comes home from driving back from Cleveland, and said I should have never let her get this way, and I should have talked her up, told her how great she was, and got her out of her depression... So was I wrong for taking care of 80% of things, but not "building her up above and beyond" normal relationship stuff? Oh and by the way, she has a 13 year old that I have been around since he was three. Split custody. He get there and ask me what was for dinner. About a week ago I asked him why he always asked me and he said, "because your the one who always takes care of food and everything". Guess not enough. If I am in the wrong guys let me know..

sent from my HTC evo

Nothing more you can do besides be supportive. It's up to her to keep her spirits up, nothing you say or do will accomplish that. Sounds like you guys have had a rough spot in this economy with her losing her job, and you taking a cut in pay. Things like that are hard on a couple. But at the end of the day you have to draw off each other for strength. Sounds like she let it get to her too much and just blamed you... Which is a natural reaction for a woman to do.

The decision you have to make is. If she overcomes this panic attack and comes home. Are you willing to take her back. Are you willing to deal with an emotionally unstable woman... Remember. For richer and poorer, sickness and in health. Sounds like a little poorer came yalls way and she blew up and bailed. So you want to remain with a woman who only loves you when the bank account is stuffed. Or one who loves you enough to stick by you during thick and thin, not blame you, and live life together making the best you can. While you may be in a rough spot now, things will improve, But what about when the next rough spot hits, will she do it again? These are all tough questions to answer and you'll have to look deep and hard to answer them.

Good luck in your decision man... Either on will be hard to make, and hard to live with..
 

Dannmann801

Dignitary Member
Supporting Member
10,247
166
Springboro
I've been in a bad marriage. Now I'm in a great marriage.
Nothing worse than a bad marriage.
Nothing better than a great marriage.

All I can tell you brother is that it's bad now, might get worse for a while, but it will get better someday, with her or without her.

Fishing is a good idea.
 

epe

Senior Member
6,114
93
Lancaster
Well if anyone wants to go fishing in the Columbus area I got 16fter set up for fishing. You may just have to help launch it right now...

sent from my HTC evo
 

hickslawns

Dignitary Member
Supporting Member
37,500
212
NW Ohio
Eric- Has she talked to her doctor? Depression is no joke. I believe it is fairly common to be depressed. It is part of life. Family member dies, lose your job, etc., people get depressed. Sometimes though it is a bit more involved than a little depression which you pull yourself out of. Sounds almost as if she has not pulled herself out of it, and feels bad about it. Therefore, it is easier for her to just point blame in your direction rather than to take responsibility of her own actions or inaction. While I agree it is important for a spouse to be there for the other and to be supportive, sometimes things are simply more than one person can handle. She has to take some responsibility. You thought you were helping by picking up the slack, but in all reality, it enabled her to sit around and feel sorry for herself as her condition worsened. I am in it through thick and thin in my marriage and I am going to cheer you on to make this thing work. In the end though, only you truly know what is right for you and your future. I would think a heart to heart with the wife and suggesting her talk to a medical professional about where she is right now would be a pretty good idea. Then again, I am no doctor. Good luck Eric.