So how did you divorces- long relationships deal?

[jagermeister]

Nothing more you can do besides be supportive. It's up to her to keep her spirits up, nothing you say or do will accomplish that. Sounds like you guys have had a rough spot in this economy with her losing her job, and you taking a cut in pay. Things like that are hard on a couple. But at the end of the day you have to draw off each other for strength. Sounds like she let it get to her too much and just blamed you... Which is a natural reaction for a woman to do.

The decision you have to make is. If she overcomes this panic attack and comes home. Are you willing to take her back. Are you willing to deal with an emotionally unstable woman... Remember. For richer and poorer, sickness and in health. Sounds like a little poorer came yalls way and she blew up and bailed. So you want to remain with a woman who only loves you when the bank account is stuffed. Or one who loves you enough to stick by you during thick and thin, not blame you, and live life together making the best you can. While you may be in a rough spot now, things will improve, But what about when the next rough spot hits, will she do it again? These are all tough questions to answer and you'll have to look deep and hard to answer them.

Good luck in your decision man... Either on will be hard to make, and hard to live with..

Couldn't have said it any better.

Eric, I'm sorry you're going through such a tough situation right now. Sometimes in life we are given tests... in your case, this is a hard fuggin test. I don't know your wife so I don't know what the best decision is for you at this point. I do know that if my wife bailed on me like that, I don't think I'd want her back. IMO, if you were the only one working, SHE should have been the one at home cooking and cleaning... not YOU. That being said, I know how women get when they don't feel loved or supported... It's pretty damn ugly. Most women I know are just plain "wired" differently than men. They NEED someone to tell them they're appreciated and supported... whereas most guys already know these things and don't need the affirmation from their loved ones. It's a rough predicament... My wife says these things quite often. I end up getting pissed about it because I just don't understand this "need." I don't know man... women are crazy fuggin creatures.

I wish you the best of luck getting through all of this. Just take it one step at a time and stay strong, mentally. It'll all work out in the end.

 

[epe]

Ok, so she just texted me and says she wants to come back, but she knows she needs to get her "problems" fixed, and would like me to try and help her.. I feel that I should try because if the last couple days for me are how she feels a lot of the time, I don't know how she has stayed somewhat sane.
And you are you dead on about being wired differently. I know where I stand, and I do not need to be told so. She- women are insecure, and quit doing things because they feel unappreciated, which in turn makes me get mad, and makes the cycle worse...
sent from my HTC evo

 

[swantucky]

I say let her come back and try to work on things.

 

[Jackalope]

Ok, so she just texted me and says she wants to come back, but she knows she needs to get her "problems" fixed, and would like me to try and help her.. I feel that I should try because if the last couple days for me are how she feels a lot of the time, I don't know how she has stayed somewhat sane.
And you are you dead on about being wired differently. I know where I stand, and I do not need to be told so. She- women are insecure, and quit doing things because they feel unappreciated, which in turn makes me get mad, and makes the cycle worse...
sent from my HTC evo

Let her come back and try to work on it... However let her know you do not appreciate being treated in such a manner. Let her know you will try and help her in any way you can, however you will not be abused in the process. Like her, you too must feel appreciated.

 

[epe]

Oh we will talk... May be on the boat this weekend fishing though, so if she disagrees, she gets to walk the plank.

sent from my HTC evo

 

[bowhunter1023]

Go figure the guy who shouldn't be giving marriage advice, gave the best advice! LOL!!! I agree with what Joe said, despite his lack of qualifications for being a marriage counselor! LOL. Actually, I think he's well qualified for it now that I think about it...

Sorry to hear of the rough spot E. Wishing you the best...

 

[Jackalope]

oh I'm no stranger to "try and make it work". I did it for the last three years of my marriage. In the end it just didn't work.

 

[Hoytmania]

Eric, I am glad to hear that you are willing to work on things. One of the things that came to mind is instead of you doing the chores asking her to work with you doing the chores. So that way she will have a sense of accomplishment around the house also. This will also give you two some time together to be able to talk about things.

It seems to me that you where so busy taking care of the house and bringing the money home that there wasn't very much time for to let her know how much you appreciate her. I don't know if you are much of a reader or not but I would highly recomend a book called "The Five Love Languages". This book helped my wife and I out tremendously in our relationship. Figure out what her love language is and speak it.

I have always herd that anything good is worth fighting for, and after ten years it sounds like it is worth fighting for. Best of luck!

 

["J"]

Eric, sorry for the situation you're in... But the woman needs someone other than you too talk too.... Tell her she's more then welcome to come home as long as she seeks some therapy.... There are a lot of people out there with the credentials too help.... Sounds like she needs one of them.... Good luck and hope it works out for the both of you..... Remember we're all here for you and anyone else that goes through these rough times....

 

[epe]

I think we are heading to the hospital, she is border line panic attack, has not slept in a couple days. Whatever is going on right now is above me.

sent from my HTC evo

 

[1hornwilly]

praying for you and the lady, epe.

 

["J"]

Good luck.... Sounds like it's going too be the best thing too do...

 

[5Cent]

Good luck Eric, I hope you guys can work things out. I truely believe in "death do us part", but sometimes things just don't work out. Life is too short to not love fully, and love life to it's fullest.

 

[hickslawns]

I hope everything worked out okay at the hospital Eric. Just thinking of you in your time of need.

 

[finelyshedded]

Hang in there Eric! She needs help it sounds like and she's admitted to that, so that's good. I hope things get better for you both. Great post Joe!

 

[epe]

Well after almost a month of trying and getting nowhere, it looks like it is over. Not where sure where to from here. She can't afford to get a place of her own, and for the time being neither can I. Sucks the big one..

sent from my HTC evo

 

[Jackalope]

Sucks man. I feel your pain. I sat down yesterday and started filling out dissolution papers.

 

[badger]

Hang in there Eric. Times will change and things will get better for you. I let my first wife come back for about a month as well. When I faced the fact it was over, it felt like all forces around me were against me. You have to move on with your life, and soon you will realize you are healthier people without each other. Get out fishing or do some deer scouting. The more time you spend with good friends the better off you will feel.

 

[dante322]

She can't afford to get a place of her own, and for the time being neither can I.

Dont mean to sound like a douche but at least it wont be hard to split up assets.
Back to your original question, how to deal with it. Best advice I can offer is to get a good lawyer. If you can go for a dissolution, that makes things easier. you dont have to go through a long drawn out, expensive divorce where a judge makes all the decissions. The thing about a dissolution is you have to agree on EVERYTHING! And will still need an attorney to draw up the papers, if it happens to be YOUR attorney, he can tell you if you are getting screwed. From the sound of things you have been making most of the sacrifices, housework, cooking, paying bills... Dont allow yourself to be taken advantage of on this.

If it comes about to where you are possibly getting back together, great! but I would lay down the law and make sure your needs and concerns are also adressed, not just hers.

If you end up splitting up, then its time for you to move on. in my case I sowed some oats. I did whatever I wanted to do and got it out of my system. I had crazy sex with as many women as I could, I stayed out as late and partied as hard as I wanted to. I went places my ex wife wouldnt go, I did things she was to much of a prude to do. And most of all I found who I was, not who she expected me to be. After a while I got all that out of my system and settled down. thats when I met the woman I'm with now and am happier than I've ever been.

 

[epe]

Well we never were married, so I guess the only thing I need to worry about is "common law" stuff. Still sucks today. Any of you guys around the Lancaster- Columbus area want to get out and do some fishing in the near future?

sent from my HTC evo