Syndi

[Beentown]

My Dad and I had a good talk after his parent (my grandma and spa died).

I bought him a label maker and he numbered all of his "strange" possessions. He is huge into electronics, HAM radio, and the like. He'll he has an oscilloscope that is worth $10K new. I would have never known on that one.

I am the executor if he and Mom both pass and things like that really lighten the burden before hand. I could imagine even more after.

 

[Curran]

Jim, thank you so much for putting this together. I know it's probably not an easy thing to do, but I have no doubt that many of us on TOO will take your words to heart. Our thoughts & prayers are with you during this time.

There are so many things that happen, and happen pretty damn fast, when a loved one passes. The people that have to handle all of those "things" (funeral, bills, expenses, etc.) are often the closest to those that have passed away, and sadly enough barely have the time to grieve because they have to take charge of the situation. I had to do it when my Dad passed, my wife is still going through it since her Mom passed, and my Mom is now going through it since my Grandpa just passed. I can say that in all of these cases all the "big stuff" was much easier to deal with because they all had wills, living wills, and life insurance policies.

You're spot on, when you bring up the "other stuff." That's where family member start to rub each other the wrong way sometime. Over who gets what "stuff." I know personally for me, I've never put it down in writing what stuff is going to go where. It's obvious to me that I'd like my guns, bows, fishing tackle, and hunting equipment to go to my son & daughter. But there are some things that I'd like good buddies to have too. I need to get that together & organized in case something happens.

 

[jagermeister]

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss, Jim. I can't imagine how difficult this has been for you and your daughters. All I know is, you are a very strong man and sharing this type of advice with your brothers here is something special. I want to personally thank you for putting yourself "out there" like this. I am only 27, but with my hobbies and line of work I know that any day could potentially be my last... We just never know when it's going to happen. Thank you for posting your advice and experiences with us... I will surely be starting to work on a will here in the very near future.

 

[Huckleberry Finn]

Jim, I can't help but think that Syndi is smiling that you've turned something incredibly painful into something that can help other people. I've been praying for you and your family for month now, and these are the words that have brought me to tears. You are an incredible strong and wise man and I look up to you, a ton. A lot of this stuff doesn't apply to me now, but I know that learning these lessons by observation will help me in the years to come. Thank you, Jim. I'm moved to tears because by passing on this painfully gained wisdom, you're healing by helping others.

My mom's family went through a very nasty process after my grandfather passed away. I still don't know it all, and don't want to but the seperation of my grandfather and grandma left a big fight between siblings, money that went from his friend that he really loved and had been living with for 12 years and instead went to my grandma who threw it into the wind, etc etc. It's not what he would have wanted on any account, but without a will, it's what happened. Awful. It happens too much, and really the only thing you need for a will is it written all down and a few signatures...

 

[Fluteman]

Jim, I know how difficult all this has been on you, and how hard it must have been to write all this, but I admire your strength to press on and your drive to help someone out despite what has happened. I appreciate you taking the time to share this with us, and I hope you know that all of us are here for ya man. Prayers continue to go your way, there isn't a day goes by that I don't say a prayer for you and everyone else on here.

 

[RedCloud]

A very informative insight CJD. I am glad that you put this thread together and are making us a little more aware of how the process goes. I know for me and all of us under this roof have been putting this kind of thing on hold as far as the Will goes but as you pointed out, you just plain can't do that. My wife and I as well as all 3 of the kids have the life insurance policy done. We are all on borrowed time and none of us know when, where, or how the end will be for us but we should do our very best to make sure the ones we leave behind don't have to worry about money and fighting over items. I have seen and been a part of that fighting over stuff and seen the aftermath and don't want my loved ones to be in that spot. I will promise to get the wife and I's will done asap.

Thanks again CJD

If you need anything just remember we are here and will do what we can to help out man. Thoughts and prayers continue for you, your great daughters, you mom, and yes RD TOO

 

[Mike]

We made it a point to get the Will, Power of Attorney and life insurance policy after we had our first child. It is time to revisit and make possession changes as necessary.

 

[CJD3]

Good Point Mike

Custody of Your Children

You need to specify who you would want to raise your children if something bad happens to both of you. When our girls were younger, we spoke to family and decided who would be appointed to raise our children if we both died. You name your children as beneficiary's and appoint someone trusted to deal with the money from the insurance. ( usually the people you would want to raise them.)

I had a customer once that told me a horror story about something like this happening... They spent thousands in court fighting for custody. If you both pass away and have no written instructions, is may fall to a court or judge to decide. The customers I knew were not rich but were good Christian people. The others were very well off but horrible parents.(accident insurance money) A judge will not know family members like you. He may just be looking at a summery of each couple. Do Not let a court deside... It turned out that the children's parents had a sizable life insurance policy and spoke of it when talking to the general family about who would be willing to take the children. The "well off" ones were just in it for the money they would have control of while the 3 kids were minors.

Hell. You may not anyone in the family to raise them and assign it to someone outside family group...

 

[hickslawns]

Yet another great point Jim. We have discussed the custody of the children. While it would be unfortunate if our kids lost both of us, I must admit when you combine both our life insurance policies and figure their Aunt/Uncle would be liquidating all our assets, they should be in pretty good shape.

 

[CJD3]

Thanks Guys.

 

[swantucky]

I'm gonna give this anther try later, the first paragraphs have my eyes all cloudy.

 

[rgecko23]

I cant even begin to say how sorry for you and your family I am. you are in prayers man. Time heals all. God speed buddy..

 

[Gern186]

Thanks Jim. Having a wife with stage 4 cancer has put me in this frame of mind now for over a year.....it's a lot to think about and you brought up some good points. Sorry about your loss and I hope you can stay strong.

 

[CJD3]

Thanks Jim. Having a wife with stage 4 cancer has put me in this frame of mind now for over a year.....it's a lot to think about and you brought up some good points. Sorry about your loss and I hope you can stay strong.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you have time to get your things in order.
I wrote,deleted,wrote, deleted for days on a word document before finally posting, deleting and posting here.
I truly hope this has shed some in-site to others. It appears to be the only thing I can to spin something positive from loosing her.

 

[CJD3]

Paid off in full upon death check box

As you get older you may want to consider the type of insurance the lenders offer you when you sign loan papers that will pay off the auto or home if an unexpected death occurs to one or both of the borrowers. I know when we financed her auto last year, I hesitated at that point but the chose "No" because I was only doing the mental math of the term and payoff date. Now I either keep paying on it or sell it... Wish I had paid the few bucks more now.

 

[CJD3]

If you have a 401K, bank account or any decent amount of money, including a checking/savings account, you would want to name beneficiary's so the person, persons or executor you are leaving those things has excess and does not have to go through a lot of steps to get to it.

 

[RedCloud]

Very good tips and information there CJD. I had an auto loan at one time and even the morgage on the house that I have now has the AD&D on them. Sometimes it's hard to think "WHAT IF " at the time and so people skip it.

 

[CJD3]

I hope with all the appreciation everyone has at this time of the year for their loved ones, you have started taking the time to start getting things in order.

I am not trying to be a bummer here BUT you never know. I had no idea that last Christmas would be the last one I had with my then 49 year old wife.

I have said all I can say on this thread.

 

[Ohiosam]

I was thinking of you yesterday Jim, said a little prayer too.

 

[CJD3]

Thank you Sam.
I can sure use it.