After reflecting, I believe the first visit alone is tough because you don't have a crowd of mourning people with you. At the funeral it hurts. The first visit alone is more personal. More time to reflect all the memories. Maybe I had my "game face" on at the funeral? Trying to be supportive of my mom and siblings. Supportive of my dad's siblings. Going there with my wife after the funeral was a more personal moment for me to reflect. More intimate. No audience. Just dad and I. Has only been rough a couple visits since that one. The visit where I rode his motorcycle to the grave was tough too. In my mind, I know it is just his body resting there. I know his soul is at peace. That helps.